How to Manage Up Without Kissing Up: A Black Woman's Playbook for Winning With Any Boss

If your boss doesn’t see the work you’re doing, leaves you without support, or gives you unclear priorities, it can wear you down. How to manage up starts with building a clearer, more useful working relationship with your manager: understanding what they need, communicating your work and advocating for your priorities. It does not mean agreeing with everything, flattering your boss or taking responsibility for their job. It means taking an active role in a relationship that affects your work and career.

I’ve spent more than 30 years advising C-level executives at organizations including UBS and Allstate. I’ve seen what helps a direct report stand out: sound judgment, clear communication and a willingness to speak up about the work. Those are skills you can practice without changing who you are.

What does managing up actually mean?

Managing up means working with your boss in a way that helps both of you do your jobs well. You learn what your manager is accountable for, share the information they need, clarify expectations and raise concerns early. You also make sure your contributions and career goals are part of the conversation.

It is not literally managing your boss. Your manager remains responsible for setting direction, giving feedback and supporting your growth. You are responsible for sharing what you need to do good work and making your impact visible.

Think of it as self-advocacy with a person who has influence over your assignments, feedback and opportunities. A useful starting question is:

“What would make our working relationship clearer and more effective for both of us?”

What are the best ways to manage up?

There is no script that works with every boss. The goal is to understand how your manager works, then communicate in a way that makes decisions and expectations clearer.

1. Learn what your boss is measured on

Your manager may be focused on deadlines, client relationships, budget, team capacity or a goal their own leader set. You do not have to guess. Ask directly:

“What are your top priorities this quarter? How does my work fit into them?”

Then ask what success looks like for your current assignment:

“What would make this a strong result from your perspective?”

Knowing your boss’s priorities helps you connect your work to what matters. It also gives you a better basis for asking which task should come first when everything is urgent.

2. Agree on how and when to communicate

Some managers want a short summary and a recommendation. Others need context before they can decide. Ask about preferences, but keep your own working needs in view.

“Would you prefer a brief written update before our 1:1, or should I bring the key points to the meeting?”

For a new assignment, confirm the outcome, deadline and decision owner:

“To make sure I’m aligned: you’re looking for a two-page recommendation by Thursday, with the risks and options up front. Is that right?”

After an important conversation, send a short recap. This helps prevent crossed wires and gives both of you something concrete to refer back to.

3. Make updates easy to act on

You don’t need to send a running commentary on every task. Share useful updates before your boss has to ask, especially when a decision or risk could affect the work.

Try this simple format:

• Status: What is complete?
• Change or risk: What needs attention?
• Recommendation: What do you suggest?
• Decision needed: What do you need from your manager, and by when?

For example:

“The analysis is complete. The vendor data came in late, so the launch date may move. I recommend we keep the date and reduce the first phase to the two highest-priority features. Can you confirm by tomorrow?”

This is one of the most practical managing up tips: give your boss a clear picture and a next step, not a problem with no context.

4. Name trade-offs when priorities compete

If you are doing great work and getting rewarded with more work, pause before saying yes to everything. Taking on every request without discussing capacity can hide the real cost, and leave you responsible when deadlines collide.

Try:

“I can finish the client brief by Wednesday or complete the brief and the new analysis by Friday. Which should take priority?”

Or:

“I can take this on. To make room, should I move the timeline on the report or hand off another task?”

This is not being difficult. It is giving your manager the information needed to make a priority decision. You can also ask what can be removed, delayed or reassigned before accepting a new responsibility.

5. Ask for feedback you can use, and visibility you have earned

“Any feedback?” often leads to “You’re doing great.” Ask a focused question instead:

“Was my recommendation clear enough to support the decision?”

“What is one thing I should repeat or adjust in the next presentation?”

Keep a record of your work: outcomes, problems you prevented, decisions you influenced and positive feedback. In a 1:1 or review, connect your effort to its impact:

“I led the process change that reduced the team’s turnaround time. I’d like to talk about how this work positions me for the next-level role.”

You can ask for visibility, too:

“Could I present the results at the leadership meeting? I can send you a short brief in advance.”

What does managing up look like for a Black woman at work?

For many Black women, managing up happens alongside an added set of demands. You may be the only one who looks like you in the room. Your competence may be questioned when others’ is assumed. You may be interrupted, talked over or held to a different standard for directness, where the same communication style is called confident in one person and “too much” in another.

Naming those dynamics matters. They are not proof that you lack skill or that you need to make yourself smaller. You can be thoughtful about how you communicate without taking on the job of making everyone else comfortable.

Managing up can be a shield, not a stunt. Clear requests, written follow-ups and visible evidence of your work can help protect your time and make decisions easier to track. They cannot guarantee fairness or fix a culture that does not support you. You deserve support, not just another strategy to carry alone.

If you receive vague feedback like “not a fit” or “too aggressive,” ask for specifics:

“Can you give me an example of the behavior you mean, its impact, and what you would have wanted me to do differently?”

Then note the feedback and the response. Look for a trusted mentor, sponsor or colleague who can help you assess whether the standard is being applied fairly.

What if your boss is the problem?

Not every strained relationship can be solved by communicating better. A manager may withhold information, take credit for your work, change expectations without warning, or repeatedly fail to support you. Managing up does not mean accepting disrespect or doing your boss’s job for them.

Start with what you can make clear:

1. Describe the pattern. Write down what happened, when, who was involved and what it affected.
2. Ask for a specific change. Keep the conversation focused on the work.
3. Follow up in writing. Confirm any decisions or agreed next steps.
4. Build support beyond one manager. Seek mentors, sponsors and relationships across your organization.
5. Consider your options. If the pattern continues or involves discrimination or retaliation, consult a trusted internal resource or HR. Keep your notes factual and follow your organization’s process.

If your manager is not advocating for your growth, you can still ask for clarity:

“I’m interested in leading a larger project. What results or experience would you need to see from me to recommend me for one?”

Their response, and what happens next, will tell you something important. You can make a thoughtful effort to improve a working relationship without making its success your sole responsibility.

How do you start managing up in your next 1:1?

You do not need to fix everything in one meeting. Pick one conversation that would make your work clearer. You might ask about priorities, agree on how to share updates or bring up a task that needs a trade-off.

If you are new to a role or your relationship with your manager feels stuck, try this:

“I want us to work well together. What information is most useful for you from me, and what should I bring to you early? I’d also like to agree on how we’ll measure success in my role.”

That’s a practical start to managing your boss relationship with clarity, not guesswork.

In my Management Mentorship and coaching work, I use the S.P.A. approach: Support, Purpose and Access. Access includes learning what your boss is measured on, getting useful feedback and building visibility for your contributions. If you want more conversations about navigating corporate spaces, listen to the Just Us podcast or explore my books.

You do not have to figure out your career alone. Schedule a consultation to talk about your next step, or join the free Inner Circle community for support and connection.

For more on practical supervisor communication, see the University of Minnesota’s guide to managing up.